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2024-04-26 "Rokubei of the Kuro-Shoin room" [長年日記]

The following content comes to Amazon Prime.

Somehow, my intuition told me it was a "hit," and I started watching it with my wife.

"Rokubei of the Kuro-Shoin room"

My wife got off after the first episode (6 in all). Still, I was watching this content while investigating the video distribution server -- and I finished watching all the episodes until 4:00 in the morning.

I didn't feel much at the time, but the next morning, in my futon, I remembered my late father, and tears began to flow.

-----

As far as I know, my father ended his life without a single moment of weakness in front of me -- the exact opposite of me.

On the other hand, as you know, I am a person who keeps saying "ouch," "painful," "suffering," and "I can't do it," and continues to disclose them without any shame or shame.

This way of living that matches my inner and outer life is probably right from the perspective of protecting my mind and body.

However, my father, who remained silent without ever revealing any such thing -- at least to me, he said to me and conveyed to me a lot -- now seems to me that he did.

My father is dead, but at least he lives on in me' -- lines like that I can say, unabashedly, but with conviction.

Well, I think that when I die, then my father will die too, in the true sense of the word.

And, that's fine.

-----

I wrote the following in my diary,

"However, in my life, I have come to know that "honesty" is never inferior to "not honesty."

My father passed away, leaving me with this.

And then it occurred to me,

When I thought, 'Will I be able to leave something like this to someone else like my father did--'

I now chuckle to myself, 'Probably not.'